Learning to shine…

Learning to shine again this is hard for me! I want so badly to do the right things and move on, but it feels like I am leaving my Dad. Leaving him here in this moment in time and that breaks me deep down in my soul. I know in my heart he will always be with me but I want to freeze this moment in time because it is what I have left of him…I want to remember his face that last time he hugged me. I want to smell his scent because it always made me feel secure. I wish I could see him laugh from another room and wonder what he was telling someone. I wish I could see him kiss my mom goodbye again… He lead us all by showing us how to love everyday. He was so kind and giving to so many people and I love it when people share that with me. I hope those stories never end…

I keep finding roadblocks in my path lately, things that are making my life harder and sometimes unbearable. Then I realized I was making my life unbearable… those things in my path were there for a reason. I keep fighting my fight with God. I want my path to be straight – I want, I want, I want!! I am a work in progress and in my grief I forget that I have to lay my worries with Him. Allow God to carry me when I cannot walk.

“A Psalm of Life” 

“One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

I am working through lots of emotions and trying to remember to work them out the right way. Stomping the pavement is the best- getting back to that immediately. I have let that one go for a while and it has been therapeutic this morning. Grief counseling is another, it is available online and there are some sites that are free. Please reach out if you are hurting it can really help. Doctor on Demand is a great resource and they will help you find free resources.

Having a support team is also important. You do not have to have an entire football team, just a few people that you trust and can talk to if you are feeling down or if you are wanting to share some good news. Support groups are not just for bad days- they want to celebrate you too! Good and bad your team can get you through if you are honest and willing to be a part of the team. That means that you show up too!

Grief is hard, and everyone processes differently. The best advice is to be kind. Give love when you can, throw in some encouragement when you can and just be- Pray and have faith that this too shall pass. My Grandmother Morris was famous for saying that- and it will. Things will slowly change to our new normal without Daddy. I will shed tears in private before, during and after each holiday for him because I think he is missing us as much as we are missing him. How silly is that? Grief!! I will continue to cook his favorite foods and continue to speak about him and remember him because I do not ever want to forget what a wonderful love he brought into my life.

I will get up each day and I will start to shine again. I will do this in honor of my Daddy… he would want that and I do too!

Be Blessed.. I love you all! XOXO

Please share if you know anyone who is grieving the loss of a family member.. reach out and help let them know that there are resources available to help them through this terrible time. Be kind to others always.